Episode Transcripts
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Watch Sonny With a Chance Sunday nights on Disney Channel
With a Chance of Dating
[Sonny walks in the Commissary in a teapot costume]
[Sonny]: Hmm, let's see what's for lunch. Ick, Ick on a bun, Ick on a stick. Well at least today there's some variety.
[James walks up next to Sonny]
[Sonny]: Mm, well that looks tasty.
[Sonny looks at him]
[Sonny]: That looks really tasty. I meant the food on your plate.
[James]: Yeah, I sweet talked the cafeteria lady. I told her that her hair net really brought out the sparkle in her eye.
[They turn to cafeteria lady]
[James]: Thanks. Can we get a taco for the teapot?
[Sonny]: Oh, the teapot has a name. It's Sonny.
[James]: Yes you are. But what's your name?
[Sonny]: Smooth.
[James]: Yes I am. But you can call me James.
[Chad walks up to them]
[Chad]: Hey, I got her to make me a rack o' lamb.
[James]: Man, I love lamb!
[Chad]: Yeah stick with me man; you'll have a great time here.
[Chad]: Sonny.
[Sonny]: Chad.
[Chad]: Anyways they're shooting our scene, we should probably go.
[Sonny]: Oh you're on MacKenzie falls this week? Let me guess. Stuck up MacKenzie being chased by bad-boy bank robber?
[Chad]: Let me guess. Life of the Boston Tea Party.
[Sonny]: Well, at least my show brings joy to our viewers.
[Chad]: At least my show has viewers.
[James]: Wow, what's goin' on here?
[Chad]: Nothing.
[Sonny]: It's beyond nothing.
[Chad]: It's certainly nothing to be late over. Our scene's up first after lunch.
[Chad]: Sonny.
[Sonny]: Chad.
[Chad walks away]
[James]: You know for something that you said was nothing, that sure seemed like something.
[Sonny]: Oh, well, um, it's-it's you know, a day to day something. Sometimes hour by hour. I don't know. It's complicated. He's complicated.
[James]: Well I'm not. My name's James Conroy, and I'd like to take you out tonight.
[Sonny]: Well there's nothing complicated about that.
[James]: So I can take that as a yes?
[Sonny]: You can take that as a maybe.
[She takes his tacos and walks away]
[Theme music plays]
[Shows dressing room]
[Tawni]: (Holding a scarf) Beyonce. Tyra. And a pirate, arrg!
[Sonny walks in]
[Sonny sighs]
[Tawni]: What are you all sigh-y about?
[Sonny]: Oh, was I sighing? Sorry.
[Sonny hums]
[Tawni]: Now you're humming.
[Sonny]: Was I humming? Sorry again.
[Tawni]: Okay, that's not just sighing and humming, that's boy sighing and humming! Who asked you out?
[Sonny]: Well, I'm not gonna brag, but James Conroy!
[Tawni]: James Conroy?
[Sonny]: Yes!
[Tawni]: No!
[Sonny]: No?
[Tawni]: No!
[Sonny]: Why?
[Tawni]: Because!
[Sonny]: Because why?
[Tawni]: Because- My best friend dated him and he dumped her. It wasn't pretty. She broke out and started wearing polyester pants!
[Sonny]: Look. I doubt anything is gonna happen between James and me.
[Tawni]: Let me guess. He asked you out and you said "no."
[Sonny]: Yes.
[Tawni]: That's how it starts! You say "no" and he turns on the charm.
[Announcer]: Sonny Munroe, bouquet of flowers for you at the front desk.
[Tawni]: A-hand here comes the charm!
[Scene skips to Grady and Nico walking in the Commissary]
[Grady]: Hold up! It's Murphy.
[Nico]: Okay. Just be cool, G. Just be cool. Don't act like we're going to put our heads under the yogurt machine or anything.
[Murphy walks by]
[Grady]: Murphy.
[Murphy]: Chowderheads.
[Nico]: (Laughs) Murph!
[Grady]: Sweet! He's gone, there's no line. Let's do this thing.
[Nico]: It's froyo time.
[They playfully run over to the yogurt machine]
[Nico sticks his head under the spout and Grady turns on the machine. The Yogurt comes out into his mouth]
[Grady]: Oh man! I can't wait "Λtill I get to do it- ow!
[Murphy pulls Grady by the ear away]
[Nico]: Oh! (He steps away) This isn't what it looks like.
[Murphy]: Really. It looks like you're drinking from the tip of the yogurt machine.
[Nico]: And it's exactly what it looks like.
[Murphy]: You two yogurt succlers are banned from the cafeteria.
[Grady]: But I didn't even get to do it!
[Murphy]: You still banned!
[Grady]: Let me do it-
[Murphy]: Never! As long as I wear this badge and walk this beat, I'll be keeping my eyes on you with a laser focus, and if- Oh! A nickel.
[Nico and Grady run away]
[Scene shows Tawni and Sonny in their dressing room, next to a vase of flowers]
[Sonny]: Wow! (She begins to read card) Hey Teapot, aww, it was nice meeting you. Any chance we can go out tonight? Your bad boy James.
[Sonny]: You know, maybe he's not such a jerk after all.
[Tawni]: Oh, right. And maybe I'm ugly. Use your brain!
[Sonny]: Look, I appreciate the warning, but maybe your friend and James just didn't have chemistry.
[Tawni looks up silently]
[Sonny's phone rings and she takes it out]
[Sonny]: Chad? (She picks it up) What do you want Chad.
(From the other side) [James]: It's James.
[Sonny]: It's James!
[Tawni]: Hang up!
[Sonny]: Hey James! How's it going? Oh I love the flowers. They're so beautiful.
[James]: It was my pleasure.
[Chad walks up to James]
[Chad]: Dude, is that my phone?
[James]: Ah, yeah it is, thanks.
[Chad walks away dazed]
[James]: I gotta make this fast. Do you want to go out tonight?
[Sonny]: To-night?
[Tawni]: No! No no no no-
[Sonny]: I'd love to.
[James]: Cool.
[Sonny]: Cool.
[James]: Bye.
[Sonny]: Bye.
[James]: You hang up first.
[Sonny]: No you hang up fir-
[Tawni]: I'll hang up! (Grabs phone from Sonny)
[Tawni]: Fine. Don't listen to me. But when your heart is broken and shattered into a million pieces and scattered all over the floor, just remember. Tawni Hart doesn't vacuum.
[Scene switches to Chad]
[Tawni runs up and pushes him forwards]
[Tawni]: Where's your idiot friend?
[Chad]: Bart!
[Bart runs and stands next to her]
[Tawni]: Not that idiot. James. Yeah, the one that's going out with Sonny tonight.
[Chad]: I'm sorry. What? (He gets up)
[Tawni]: James. Sonny. Date. Tonight.
[Chad]: Date. Sonny. Tonight. James?
[Tawni]: So where is he?
[Chad]: Right now he's breaking into the first bank of MacKenzie falls.
[James]: Give me all your money!
[Tawni]: What is your show even about?
[Chad]: Oh, this week's our Christmas episode. Yeah, in the end, he realizes he had a wonderful life.
[Tawni]: Look. Just tell your friend to back off from Sonny.
[Chad]: Wait, why do you want him to back off from Sonny?
[Tawni]: Why are you wearing a bib?
[Chad]: Jealous?
[Tawni]: I have my own bib.
[Chad]: Not of the bib, of Sonny.
[Tawni]: No. I'm trying to protect her. Why do you want him to back off Sonny?
[Chad]: I- I never said I did.
[Tawni]: Oh, your lips say I don't care, but your eyes say I do care.
[Tawni]: Now. You just tell your friend to back off from Tawni Hart. Well not back of from me, back off from me, Tawni Hart!
(Chad rubs his arm)
[James]: You'll never take me alive! (He rolls in)
[Chad]: Dude are you taking Sonny out?
[James]: Why do you care.
[Chad]: I don't.
[James]: Yeah, I get that from your eyes.
[James]: You'll still never take me alive! But I forgot something. (He rolls back)
[Chad]: (To worker) This is good, want some lamb?
[Scene switches to Zora, Nico, and Grady in the Prop house]
[Zora]: Why would Murphy ban you two from the cafeteria?
[Nico]: Apparently it's against studio policy to shove your head underneath the yogurt machine. But it was worth it.
[Grady]: Well some of us wouldn't know.
[Nico]: Let it go.
[Zora]: What you two need is a lawyer.
[Nico]: What do we need a lawyer for?
[Zora]: To plead your case to Murphy, and to get your ban overturned.
[Nico]: Where are we gonna get a lawyer?
[Zora]: You're lookin' at her.
[Grady]: Do you even know what you're doing?
[Zora]: I think we all know the answer to that.
[Shows scene from previous sketch]
(Features Zora) Another case won by: Sally Jenson, kid lawyer. I fight for you!
[Nico]: That was a character you played in a sketch.
[Grady]: Yeah, but she won my case when I was wrongly accused of mugging the tooth fairy.
[Nico]: It was a sketch!
[Grady]: Aha, spoken like someone who's already tasted the creamy goodness.
[Nico]: Fine, what's your fee?
(Zora smiles)
[Scene switches to Arcadia, where James and Sonny are on their date]
[Sonny and James play a keyboard dance game]
[James]: Where did you learn to dance like that?
[Sonny]: I'm from Wisconsin. We dance key form.
[Sonny]: Yay I won again!
[James]: Maybe we should switch to air hockey.
[Sonny]: Loser buys burgers?
[James]: I'll have a challenge.
[Sonny]: I love free burgers.
[Shows Sonny winning]
[Sonny]: (Claps) I won at that too!
[James]: Can we do something I actually have a chance of winning, like eating.
[Sonny]: Oh don't be so sure. All that winning made me really hungry.
(They both laugh, then James looks distressed)
(They both sit down at a booth)
[Sonny]: So, what looks good?
[James]: You.
[Sonny]: (Laughs) Aww.
(Tawni pushes Sonny over and sits down)
[Tawni]: Sorry I'm late.
[Sonny]: Tawni?
[James]: Tawni?
[Tawni]: James.
[Tawni]: So, what did I miss?
[Sonny]: An invitation. What are you doing here?
[Tawni]: I like chicken fingers and Skee Ball!
(Chad runs over and sits next to James)
[Chad]: Woo, sorry I'm late. So what'd I miss?
[James]: Tawni likes chicken fingers and Skee Ball!
[James]: What are you doing here?
[Chad]: I came to hang out with my bro!
[Chad]: So what are you doing here?
[Tawni]: What are you doing here?
[James]: What are they doing here?
[Sonny]: What are we still doing here?
[James]: Do you wanna make a break for it? I know how to tuck and roll.
[Sonny]: I am right behind you.
(Tawni holds Sonny back, and Chad holds James back)
[Tawni]: Who's up for some chicken fingers and Skee Ball?
[They all sit awkwardly at the table in silence]
[Chad]: So.
[James]: So.
[Tawni]: So.
[Sonny]: So. How about you and I partake in a friendly game of Air Hockey?
[Tawni]: Eh, it's not really my- ow! (Sonny pulls her arm to Air Hockey)
(They start to play)
[Sonny]: Why are you trying to ruin my date?
[Tawni]: I'm trying to protect you!
[Sonny]: From what, having fun?
[Tawni]: From getting hurt!
(The puck fly's off the table)
[Tawni]: Now, as soon as this game is over, and I have no idea when that is. You will get a toothache and I will take you home.
[Sonny]: Why are you trying to protect me, you're never this nice.
[Tawni]: I will tell you who's not nice. James.
[Sonny]: How do you even know so much about him?
[Tawni]: Just pick a side for your toothache!
[Sonny]: (She gasps) You were that "friend" who dated James and ended up wearing polyester pants!
[Tawni]: I would never wear polyester pants.
[Sonny]: Hah, should've guessed it. Who's Tawni's best friend?
[Tawni]: Tawni!
[Sonny]: Hah!
[Sonny]: So you came here to ruin my date because you're jealous!
(They both cross their arms at each other)
[Shows Chad and James]
[Chad]: So, you, uh, having a good time on your date?
[James]: I was, until it was rudely interrupted.
[Chad]: Yeah, Tawni's a piece of work, right?
[Shows Tawni and Sonny]
[Tawni]: James is a jerk!
[Sonny]: He's not a jerk!
[Shows Chad and James]
[James]: Oh, she is so cute when she's angry.
[Chad]: Pfft, Sonny's always cute. She can't do anything without it being cute. Stupid cute.
[James]: No dude, I am talking about Tawni!
[Chad]: I'm sorry, I thought you just said Tawni.
[James]: I did.
[Shows Tawni and Sonny]
[Tawni]: I'm telling you, James is a jerk!
[Shows Chad and James]
[James]: Oh, she hates me so much. Ah, I love it!
[Shows Tawni and Sonny]
[Sonny]: You know what, why don't you take your friend and get out of here.
[Tawni]: Come on, Tawni!
(Sonny sits back down at the booth, pouting)
[Chad]: Woo. I mean, I thought she'd never leave.
[Scene switches to Murphy eating in the Commissary, and Nico, Grady, and Zora dressed up as "Sally Jenson" walking in]
[Zora]: Officer Murphy, I'm Sally Jenson, kid lawyer.
[Murphy]: I'm familiar with your work.
[Zora]: Good. Now, did you or did you not see my clients underneath the yogurt spout?
[Murphy]: I did.
[Zora]: I was hoping for "did not." Sidebar please!
[Zora]: Okay, you guys are doomed! Dull me up while I go in for a plea bargain.
(She walks back over)
[Zora]: Alright. My clients accept- Thirty years to life!
[Nico + Grady]: What?
[Nico]: Sidebar!
[Nico]: What are you doing. You are the worst lawyer ever!
[Murphy]: I'll tell you what. You let me eat my lunch in peace, and I'll let these two beef sacks off the hook.
[Zora]: Oh, I wish it was that easy.
[Nico]: It is that easy!
[Zora]: A good way to get them to stay off the hook is if my clients do some community service in the cafeteria.
[Grady]: What? No way!
[Murphy]: Community service... What a great idea! Three hours?
[Zora]: Three- or six?
[Nico]: We were off, and you put us back on!
[Zora]: That's because I'm: Sally Jenson, kid lawyer. I fight for you!
[Grady]: No, you didn't!
[Scene switches to Sonny in her dressing room, with another vase of flowers]
(Tawni walks in)
[Tawni]: Wow.
[Sonny]: Yeah.
[Tawni]: Those flowers are even bigger than the ones that came yesterday.
[Sonny]: Yeah.
[Tawni]: You must be thrilled.
[Sonny]: Yeah.
(She takes out the card and begins to read)
[Sonny]: I haven't stopped thinking about you since last night in the arcade Tawni.
(They both gasp)
[Sonny + Tawni]: Tawni!
[Sonny]: When can I see you again, James?
[Sonny]: Well here, I guess these are for you.
[Tawni]: There are two things I love. Me being right and you being not right. But I'm so mad at James I can't enjoy either of them!
(She picks up the flowers and throws them on the ground)
[Tawni]: (High-pitched) This is so frustrating!
[Sonny]: How could I be fooled by such a jerk? I feel so stupid.
(Tawni comes over and awkwardly tries to comfort her)
[Sonny]: Are you trying to comfort me?
[Tawni]: Yeah.
[Tawni]: Can I be done now-
[Sonny]: Yes.
[Sonny]: I hope James gets dumped one day so he'll never do this again.
[Tawni]: That's good!
[Sonny]: What's good?
[Tawni]: Giving James a taste of his own medicine!
[Sonny]: Go on.
[Tawni]: Well, he always wants what he can't have, right?
[Sonny]: Right.
[Tawni]: So let's make you what he can't have!
[Tawni]: I'm going to be what he thinks he wants, but because he'll have me, he won't want me, so he's going to want you, but he can't get you, because you-
[Sonny]: Okay less words please.
[Tawni]: You're gonna need a fake date.
[Sonny]: Ohh. A fake date. Hmm. Well, I know just the fake to date.
[Switches scenes to where Chad and Sonny walk into Arcadia]
[Sonny]: Quick, hold my hand!
[Chad]: Don't tell me what to do!
[Sonny]: We're on a fake date; we have to make it look believable.
[Chad]: Well, If you wanna hold hands, you gotta switch sides.
[Sonny]: Why?
[Chad]: Because this is my holding hand. (Holds up left hand)
[Sonny]: Fine. Look, and just so you know, this is our first and last fake date.
[Chad]: Good.
[Sonny]: Good. Now smile like you're having the time of your life.
(They both comically smile widely)
(They both sit down)
[Shows James and Tawni]
[James]: Now I have to be honest, I was a little surprised when you said "yes."
[Tawni]: Well, you texted, you called, you sent flowers. You just don't let a girl say "no" do ya' bad boy.
[James]: No. (He looks over at Sonny and Chad)
[James]: Oh you have got to be kidding me, she's already on a date? Man, she works fast.
[Tawni]: Oh, c'mon.. Let's not talk about sonny and how she's completely over you.
Let's talk about me. And how much I'm into you. I like us! (She sits up)
[James]: (Lays back) Really...
[Tawni]: (Has cell phone out) Oh lookie! I just changed my online status to "re-dating James Conroy" and I got into your account and changed your status to "crazy for Tawni Hart!"
[Shows Sonny and Chad]
[Sonny]: They're looking this way. Put your arm around me.
[Chad]: Well I would, but you're sitting on the wrong side. See, (holds up left arm) this arm says "let's cuddle," and this arm (holds up right arm) says "hit the game bro!"
[Sonny]: Well I'm saying just put one of them around me!
(He puts his arm around her)
[Chad]: Oh, you should probably put your head on my shoulder.
[Sonny]: This is nice. In theory.
[Chad]: Yeah. We make a good couple. Hypothetically.
[Sonny]: He's looking this way. In reality.
(They smile and make noises at each other closely)
[Shows Tawni and James]
[Tawni]: You know what I want, Potato skins. And to go to Paris with you in the spring.
[James]: That's- that's four months away. Who knows what I, I mean we, (mumbles) I mean you- will be doing by then. (He takes out his phone and looks at Sonny)
[Nico and Grady Walk into Arcadia]
[Grady]: There she is.
(Shows a frozen drink machine)
[Nico]: I mean granted it's not as good as a yogurt, but she's a close second.
[Grady]: Yeah, I guess you're right. It will be a little less creamy but at least I'll still get to feel the frozen goodness.
(Shows Sonny and Chad)
[Nico]: Check that out.
[Grady]: I know dude, I can almost taste it.
[Nico]: I'm talking about over there. Sonny and Chad.
[Grady]: What? Where- Whoa-oh wow.
[Shows Sonny and Chad]
[Sonny]: Hah! I got a text! From... you?
[Chad]: What, that jerk still has my phone?
[Sonny]: And he already wants me back!
[Chad]: Already...
[Sonny]: I know, how good are we?
(Chad nods his head and looks upset)
(Nico and Grady sit down)
[Nico]: Well, well, well, well.
[Grady]: So, you guys on a date?
[Sonny]: It's fake.
[Grady]: Ohh, then why didn't you ask one of us to be your fake date?
[Nico]: Obviously she doesn't think we're good enough to be her fake date. Mhm.
[Grady]: Either one of us would have made a much better fake date then Chip drama pants over here.
[Chad]: I don't think so.
[Nico]: Yoww, Chip!
[Sonny]: Okay can we talk about this later.
[Nico]: Fine. But just so you know, I've been in three, four, five fake relationships. So I could have helped you on your little fake date.
(James walks over)
[James]: Ohh so this is a fake date?
[Sonny]: No, this is real. As real as can be.
[Grady]: So you're lying to us?
[Sonny]: (Sits up) No!
[James]: Oh, so you're lying to me.
[Sonny]: (Lays back down) No!
[Sonny]: Look, would I do this if I were one a fake date. (Puts hand over Chad's mouth and kisses him)
[James]: Oh, that settles it! I must have you back. Tawni!
(Tawni walks over)
[James]: Check your e-mail.
(Sonny stands up) [Sonny]: Oh no, you're not dumping her for me, because I'm dumping you.
[James]: What? You can't dump me. I don't get dumped alright, I dump. From a distance.
[Tawni]: Not this time.
[Sonny]: Yeah, because we're dumping you- up close!
[James]: Well what do you want, like an apology?
(Nico and Grady stand up)
[Nico]: Yes.
[James]: (Taps Chad's shoulder) C'mon dude, back me up here.
[Chad]: Yeah, you're on your own. And I want my phone back.
[Grady]: I cannot believe I thought you were cool.
[Nico]: When did you think that?
[Grady]: I dunno, I just thought he was cool.
[James]: I should go.
[Sonny]: Yeah. You should. And never come back.
[Grady]: Allow us to show you the way out.
[James]: No thanks, I'll show myself out. You'll never take me alive! (He rolls out)
[Tawni]: My work here is done.
[Nico]: Mushy machine?
[Grady]: Mushy machine.
(Shows "Out of Order" on the machine)
(Sonny sits down)
[Chad]: That was some kiss.
[Sonny]: What do you mean, that kiss was fake.
[Chad]: Was not.
[Sonny]: Chad, I put my hand over your mouth.
[Chad]: Well that explains why your lips tasted like Skee Ball and Air Hockey.
[Sonny]: Do you think that I'd really kiss you.
[Chad]: Well that's what I'm gonna put on my blog.
(He gets up, and rolls out like James did)
[Chad]: Peace out suckas!
[Scene switches to Nico and Grady doing their cafeteria duty]
[Nico]: Garbage- swept.
[Grady]: Sneeze guard- de-snotted. Tomorrow, you're on snot duty.
[Nico]: You said snot duty. (They laugh)
[Nico]: How annoying. I can't believe Zora got us into this mess.
[Grady]: Or, did she do us a solid. Check it, the place's empty. Maybe the kid lawyer did know what she was doing.
[Grady]: It's froyo time for me.
[Nico]: Mhm.
(Grady starts walking in slow motion over to the machine)
[Nico]: What are you doing?
[Grady]: Being dramatic.
(They both run over to the machine, and Grady sticks his head under it)
[Murphy]: (Grabs Nico's ear) Ahh! You've suckled your last yogurt butter-butts!
[Grady]: Hey look! May be a dime!
[Murphy]: Haha! Nice try. I only like nickels.
[Nico]: I want my lawyer!
